Having cancer was a blessing in disguise. Yes, really.
Having cancer has changed how I view the world and my life. In a good way!
The ocean makes me feel alive. I get horribly sea sick so I’m not quite sure why I love it so much - the view, the smell, the sound of crashing waves, the exhilaration of being in the water. Being by the ocean makes me feel invigorated and present.
Being here feels like pressing reset on my life.
Cancer did that too.
But life creeps in and sometimes I need a reminder.
You hear it surprisingly often in the cancer community ‘it was the best thing that ever happened to me’.
I can’t say that. My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. But I am starting to accept cancer as a positive part of my story.
I don’t want to sound like some evangelical cancer warrior. I wish it hadn’t happened. I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone.
But having cancer has made me wake up. It’s cheesy. It’s cliched. But as the saying goes.
“We all have two lives. The second one begins the day that we realise that we only have one life.”
Cancer has been that reality check for me. It’s made me appreciate what I have in a way that I didn’t before. It’s made me grab life. Right now. I take that as a firm positive.
Which is not to say that I live my life in a state of blissful zen. I still get stressed. I still worry over little things. My kids still annoy me. I still get wound up and feel insecure over nonsense. I still have ongoing side effects from treatment, and fear of recurrence occupies a disproportionate amount of my brain space, which really pisses me off. It feels unfair.
But I have better perspective than before I had cancer. It’s a process. That’s ongoing. Probably never ending. As I get to know this new post cancer me, I like her more and more.
I guess it’s easy to feel positive when you’re on holiday!
But I genuinely feel good about myself and about the future. It’s been a long time coming.
So if you’re in the thick of it, know that it gets better. It gets easier. It gets more peaceful. Hang in there! X